Messy words

I was 14 in 2009 and that was when I first started blogging. Good 'ol times!

Back then, blogging was a thing. It was really a thing. I was influenced by a lot of personnel whom are now famous people like Hanis Zalikha, Fatin Liyana, Irene Nadia Marcello and a lot more. Back then, we got no Instagram. Blogger was kinda like the medium for people to check on other people's lives. I was really into blogging then. I would post hundreds of posts everyday. Like, seriously. I still remember that clearly. I was competitive. My friend had a lot of posts and a lot of followers. I was like, okay I need to post more. As I've posted hundreds of shitty posts, I realized they were shitty and nonsense, so I deleted all of them. After that, I just continued blogging as usual and I think it was 2011 when I deleted my blog. It was sad. I wrote a lot of things on that blog. Now, I just don't remember any of it. That is so sad! Then, moving forward, I made a new blog and here I am, still with this blog. I love this blog. I don't want to delete it. I was 18 when I started blogging with this blog and now I'm 21. I know it has not been that long, but I hope it would. My writings show maturity and immaturity, both at the same time. I am a childish person, I admit that. But, at the same time, I'm also a very emotional pre-adult. Well, I'm not an adult. Pre-adult? That sounds weird. I'm just 21. That's it. I don't feel 21 though. Seriously, I feel like I'm 18/19, still. 

Okay, I need to like confess here. Everyone's getting married, nowadays. Even, people my age. I'm not jealous. But, kind of, a bit. Maybe. I know I have no rights to be jealous. Seriously, I have no rights. I'm totally fine with that fact. Like, whatever, really. Seriously.

I'm messed up. I don't know. Boys and I don't get along so well. Like, not at all, really. I don't know what's the deal, but I kinda don't like boys/guys. However, I like certain kind of man. I mean, I have my own ideas on my Mr.Right. But, yeah it wouldn't matter anyway if I don't really have a chance to be with that kind, like I'm being realistic here. What am I talking about? It seems like I want a guy in my life. Like, wtf? It's not what I'm aiming here. I just want to say that, marriage, to me, is like a big step in your life. It's one step that can change everything. Pretty much, all. So, we need to really really think deeply about it before actually doing it. It's a big deal, enough said. I am not ready for that big deal shit. My mom said that you need to get married early so that you wouldn't be too old to send your kid to college. Mehh.

So here it is, a very weird messy post from a weird mess, myself. I really need someone to talk to. I need a friend. Gah, I need a job, really. Me want moneh! Hahaha. I'm weird, bye. I need to do and print documents and stuffs before graduation. Before the 25th. Like, I'm having probs with mah printers these days. Grr, anyway. I said bye earlier and my laptop died and it's alive back now. So, bye!

21

Genap sudah sebulan aku berhenti kerja. Genap sebulan dah aku mereput.

Basically, I am jobless right now. Yes, menganggur. Do I like it? Not much, really. I'm bored. At home, I did very little chores only. Like, everyday my must-done task is cook whatever I want to cook and cook nasi, basuh pinggan, susun pinggan, basuh baju, lipat baju, siram pokok. The rest of the day, I just lepak depan tv tengok movie, lepak depan laptop tengok movie dan baring atas katil tengok Youtube, Instagram dan Facebook. Everyday I wait for the time to pass. It's boring. I'm bored to death and I don't even have gaji anymore, so that sucks. I'm jobless and broke. 

So, anyway. I've been looking for jobs, alright. But still havent applied any. God, I am so picky. You see, if you love your job, you wont feel like working for the rest of your working life, you know. I believe I want that. I want to be able to love my job and wake up everyday, looking forward to do the thing that I love doing. I do not live to please people. I aint nobody's kuli. I hate take orders from anyone. From here, you can see that I'm quite an individualistic. Of course, I am. I really am. I'm not saying that I hate people. I just, I don't know. I guess I do hate people a little.

Yeah, whatever. What I'm saying is I'm 21 and people expect me to act like an adult. Like, that even possible? I admit I'm still a rebellious rock-headed teenager inside. Despite that, I really would love to earn my own money. I know I'm a determined person. I just, I don't like being ordered to do this and that. I hate bosses, actually. Grrr, I'm such a confused girl. I feel lifeless now that I'm mereput here at home. I just wish I could get into university asap or just get a job asap. You know, dalam banyak banyak tahun, I gotta say that 2016 is just my least favourite. 

Despite that, I still hope I'll get a job that suits me and my soul best. And I hope I'll get better mentally and emotionally. Amin.

I am not sweet

Hello, world! 

What a straight-to-the-point title, right? Because I'm direct like that. So, guess what? Yes, yet another love-related entry. I just can't lah. People around me and people around the world is either crazy in love or happily married and in love. Okay, semua tengah bahagia bercintan. Nak tak nak, aku kena terasa jugak. Alright, referring to the title above, that is true. I am not sweet. Like, serious talk. Looking at Instagram, Facebook, blogs, I see couples being sweet and all and I'm like, I am so not like that, that is so not going to happen with me. I'm a direct person and I don't really do sweet. I have this sakit 'geli' where I tend to easily be geli with geli stuffs like dirty stuffs, yucky things. I can even cry over these geli things. No kidding. I can also rave and get mad over these geli things. My God, even writing this yucks me. Hm. I don't know if it's a phobia thing or what. I hope it's not. Sigh.

I guess that's all. It's pretty clear, right? You get the point, right? Easily said, I'm a laidback person. If I were to be a lover to someone (wife lah, sounds better), I would call my other significant by his name. No sayang sayang, baby. Don't call me with all the names either. Boleh bikin naik darah, seriously. Didn't I tell you that I'm the girl version of the Incredible Hulk? The thing is, I like to take things slow and low. Sweet sweet talk semua, I'll keep it to us (if there's any lah). I don't like to show. I really need to stop. Writing this is getting on my nerves, literally.

P/S: I may not be sweet, but I appreciate sweet actions and sweet people. 

It's time to spread my wings

Hello, blog. Long time no see!

I miss blogging so much. Throughout my college studies, I used blogger twice for my assignments. One was for Critical Literacy back in semester 4 and another one was for my DNMC subject in semester 5 which was last year. I am currently in my semester 6. For your information, I have finished my 3 months of Industrial Training, alhamdulillah! What a journey, fuh! I have expressed everything about it in my Industrial Training report which I did submit to my academic supervisor, last Monday on the April 18th. I went to Kuantan that day, started off from home at about 6AM, right after subh. Alhamdulillah, report has been successfully submitted! The internship journey was one heck of a roller coaster ride. Full of ups and downs! Who knew working life would be so tough? Well, for a person who has never worked before, I think working life is super hard and full of challenges and unexpected circumstances.

I am on my break right now, waiting for graduation inshaAllah, around September or October, who knows? It's crazy to think about how time flew so quickly. Flashback to early 2013, when I submitted my application to KPM. I remembered not having any university placement back then. Bummer! Well, I did terrible in my SPM. I have to admit that I was lazy, then. I was glad to get into KPM as it is a very affordable institute. No joke! You get allowance of RM 300 every month and the entry fees is super affordable, that is an undeniable fact. Going back to present time, I am happy to say I have successfully finished my studies in Diploma in English Communication in KPM Indera Mahkota, Kuantan. Tears and sweat poured much throughout my 3 year of studies. I went mental in the last semesters. I still remember clearly when I was very stressed out because of friends and misunderstandings. It was just horrible. I couldn't handle the tense. In terms of workload, I didn't really have much issues. But when it comes to people with feelings and perceptions, that's tough, that's real deal. Nonetheless, I figured it was best for me to quit KPM back then, in semester 3. But, I pulled myself together, alhamdulillah I continued my journey. It was truly insane thinking back at that time. I almost quit, you guys. If I quit, I wouldn't be able to graduate this year. That is so sad. Don't ever give up okay kids? It's just horrible. Just stay strong and give your full effort until the very last drop of your blood and tears.

Moving on to the most frequently asked question which is to further studies or not to further studies after this? That is something that is always in my consideration. But, I have not decided yet due to several reasons. As I said earlier, I went mental throughout my studies. Indeed it was true. Every semester, I had issues, be it with friends or tasks. I am not sure if I am ready to experience all that, again. I need time to think and rethink about the pros and cons of me getting myself into studies life again. It is a big deal for me as I do have emotional problems, every now and then. So, to further studies or not, is in my consideration but I need a break, right now. Mental break, for sure. But, no worries, I am always going to learn. Everyday is a learning process and I shall never quit learning. I love learning. I am such a nerd. I am a focused student because I am devoted to my studies. But, nonetheless, it is just not the time for me to further studies yet. Hopefully, I will have a clear and rational decision about this thing, soon. Truly, I am sometimes feel like furthering studies as soon as possible because I just love gaining new knowledge! Perhaps, shockingly I would further my studies in other fields and not communication or English. Perhaps. But who knows? I am just praying for the best and I leave everything to Allah. I believe He has the best plans. 

I am keen to work. I have submitted my resumes to several companies, by hand and via JobStreet. I hope I will get a job soon, as soon as May if possible 'cause I really need to work. I need to gain experiences. I was a full-time student back then. During studies, I was all about books, assignments and getting things done. I was too focused on studies because I am a slow learner. I had to double my effort in lessons and everything studies-related. It was tough for me. I am not a genius. If I don't study or revise lessons, I am able to fail, easily. That clearly justifies the fact that I am not a genius, at all. Studies life was super difficult especially for slow learners like me. I had to be as resourceful as possible. During studies, I would seek for information through various mediums like books, reference books, researches, journals, lecturers, friends and seniors. In class, I was never a quiet student. I would ask so many questions to lecturers as to be crystal clear about the lessons. I put shame behind, collect all the guts I have and just ask! I will not be satisfied if my curiosities are not being fulfilled. 

Overall, I had so much experiences throughout my studies life that I will cherish my whole life inshaAllah. I wish my friends all the best in life. As for me, I hope I will get a job, soon.