Messy words

I was 14 in 2009 and that was when I first started blogging. Good 'ol times!

Back then, blogging was a thing. It was really a thing. I was influenced by a lot of personnel whom are now famous people like Hanis Zalikha, Fatin Liyana, Irene Nadia Marcello and a lot more. Back then, we got no Instagram. Blogger was kinda like the medium for people to check on other people's lives. I was really into blogging then. I would post hundreds of posts everyday. Like, seriously. I still remember that clearly. I was competitive. My friend had a lot of posts and a lot of followers. I was like, okay I need to post more. As I've posted hundreds of shitty posts, I realized they were shitty and nonsense, so I deleted all of them. After that, I just continued blogging as usual and I think it was 2011 when I deleted my blog. It was sad. I wrote a lot of things on that blog. Now, I just don't remember any of it. That is so sad! Then, moving forward, I made a new blog and here I am, still with this blog. I love this blog. I don't want to delete it. I was 18 when I started blogging with this blog and now I'm 21. I know it has not been that long, but I hope it would. My writings show maturity and immaturity, both at the same time. I am a childish person, I admit that. But, at the same time, I'm also a very emotional pre-adult. Well, I'm not an adult. Pre-adult? That sounds weird. I'm just 21. That's it. I don't feel 21 though. Seriously, I feel like I'm 18/19, still. 

Okay, I need to like confess here. Everyone's getting married, nowadays. Even, people my age. I'm not jealous. But, kind of, a bit. Maybe. I know I have no rights to be jealous. Seriously, I have no rights. I'm totally fine with that fact. Like, whatever, really. Seriously.

I'm messed up. I don't know. Boys and I don't get along so well. Like, not at all, really. I don't know what's the deal, but I kinda don't like boys/guys. However, I like certain kind of man. I mean, I have my own ideas on my Mr.Right. But, yeah it wouldn't matter anyway if I don't really have a chance to be with that kind, like I'm being realistic here. What am I talking about? It seems like I want a guy in my life. Like, wtf? It's not what I'm aiming here. I just want to say that, marriage, to me, is like a big step in your life. It's one step that can change everything. Pretty much, all. So, we need to really really think deeply about it before actually doing it. It's a big deal, enough said. I am not ready for that big deal shit. My mom said that you need to get married early so that you wouldn't be too old to send your kid to college. Mehh.

So here it is, a very weird messy post from a weird mess, myself. I really need someone to talk to. I need a friend. Gah, I need a job, really. Me want moneh! Hahaha. I'm weird, bye. I need to do and print documents and stuffs before graduation. Before the 25th. Like, I'm having probs with mah printers these days. Grr, anyway. I said bye earlier and my laptop died and it's alive back now. So, bye!

21

Genap sudah sebulan aku berhenti kerja. Genap sebulan dah aku mereput.

Basically, I am jobless right now. Yes, menganggur. Do I like it? Not much, really. I'm bored. At home, I did very little chores only. Like, everyday my must-done task is cook whatever I want to cook and cook nasi, basuh pinggan, susun pinggan, basuh baju, lipat baju, siram pokok. The rest of the day, I just lepak depan tv tengok movie, lepak depan laptop tengok movie dan baring atas katil tengok Youtube, Instagram dan Facebook. Everyday I wait for the time to pass. It's boring. I'm bored to death and I don't even have gaji anymore, so that sucks. I'm jobless and broke. 

So, anyway. I've been looking for jobs, alright. But still havent applied any. God, I am so picky. You see, if you love your job, you wont feel like working for the rest of your working life, you know. I believe I want that. I want to be able to love my job and wake up everyday, looking forward to do the thing that I love doing. I do not live to please people. I aint nobody's kuli. I hate take orders from anyone. From here, you can see that I'm quite an individualistic. Of course, I am. I really am. I'm not saying that I hate people. I just, I don't know. I guess I do hate people a little.

Yeah, whatever. What I'm saying is I'm 21 and people expect me to act like an adult. Like, that even possible? I admit I'm still a rebellious rock-headed teenager inside. Despite that, I really would love to earn my own money. I know I'm a determined person. I just, I don't like being ordered to do this and that. I hate bosses, actually. Grrr, I'm such a confused girl. I feel lifeless now that I'm mereput here at home. I just wish I could get into university asap or just get a job asap. You know, dalam banyak banyak tahun, I gotta say that 2016 is just my least favourite. 

Despite that, I still hope I'll get a job that suits me and my soul best. And I hope I'll get better mentally and emotionally. Amin.