I ditched my job again

Hello, there!

So, it's been about a week since I left my old job. Well,  more like ditched. God, I still couldn't believe I quit yet another job in my life. That was my 7th job, y'know? I've quit 7 jobs now, and I started working at the age of 21. I am 24 now. D'you know how many times I've been jobless? Yes, 7! So, anyway, what I have been doing for the last week was housekeeping. I basically do the laundry, take out the trash, sweeping, folding clothes, cooking and feeding my cats. Oh, and also I did a lot of TV watching and I'm on Instagram and YouTube oftentimes.

So, I am thirsty right now, but it's already really late at  night, hours passed midnight, to be specific. So, there is no way I'm going downstairs to get my water bottle. I'll just wait after Subuh. Tonight I watched 2 whole movies and I loved them! I re-watched The Cheetah Girls 2 and I watched The Incredible Jessica James which was so interesting that I wished it would last longer. But, anyhow it's fine.

So, about gettin' a new job. Well, I'm a bit clueless of what I want to do with my life. I want a job, but I'm afraid I'd quit again and I'm bored of quitting. I want to indulge myself in a new life, new perspective, y'know? I want a steady job, at least one that I'd last for a year. At least a year. I'm totally out of money right now. I don't know whether I should work in Kajang/KL or Melaka. I don't know. I mean, I have to go to eye appointments every now and then at Hospital Melaka, and get my eyedrops at Klinik Kesihatan every month. So, I feel like I should work in Melaka, so it'd be easier for me to access my eye health checkup. But, then again, it wouldn't be such a hassle or such a bad idea if I work in Kajang/KL and have some time-offs once in a while to go to Melaka for my eye stuff. But, then again, that'd be a troublesome.

Y'know what? I really want to work in Melaka, because my hospital is there, my clinic is there. It'd be easier for me to go there, because it's near. Plus, Melaka house is like a real home to me. I mean, I grew up in Kajang, but now that it has been left for years, it doesn't seem like a home anymore, it doesn't feel like anymore. My mom's retiring soon, so actually I'd like to accompany her by living in Melaka. Plus, groceries would be free if I live there. Well, most of all, I actually would like to have a life in Melaka. I'm not sayin' I wanted to get married to a Malaccan and build a family there. I'm just sayin' I want to live there, work there, basically live there.

All in all, I don't want to leave my mother alone and my father as well. I don't want to be that daughter who gets married and lives with her husband somewhere far and rarely comes back home to see her parents. I want to be that daughter who lives nearby to be able to watch over her parents every now and then. But, before I could do that, I'd have to have a job.

I wish I'd get a job in Melaka. Amin.

Constantly in dilemma

Back at it again -- quitting.

I've quit so many jobs now. Today, well, specifically tonight, I sent a WhatsApp text to my boss, saying that I wanted to quit right away. It was my 2nd teaching job and I only lasted 2 days. The first one, I quit after 3 days. It is evident that I cannot teach and am not good with little kids. I'm hating myself right now for being selfish and savage. I don't just let my boss down, but also my relative who works at the same place, but started a week earlier. 

After I sent the WhatsApp text to my boss, my phone died, out of battery. Up until now, I haven't read my boss's reply. I'm a bit scared. I couldn't dare to read her response. 

I have a lot to say actually. But, all of them are super personal and private. I'm being hated by many at this moment. I have no idea how to deal with this dilemma right now. 

I think I'll be much much more quite after this. I'm very gloomy right now.

I'm a writer, not a talker.

Greetings,

I'm not much of a talker, especially about something I refuse to talk about. You can read my writings. I write, I don't talk. I may took English Communication course back in Diploma, but that doesn't mean I like to communicate verbally. I'm passionate in writing. So, yes. You want to get to know the real me? You do not listen to me; you read me. I am truly myself in my writings. As painful as the truth I wrote, that's as painful as I am -- as a real person. 

People who know me know that I don't like to talk. I'd rather type it out in words, rather than use my voice to talk. When you talk, you're in this fragile surroundings where you're exposed to others' points and opinions. At least, I know I am. I am easily influenced by verbal words. I am here in this university because of people's verbal words towards me. Everyone in my surrounding were influencing me to further my studies. I, honestly, have never wanted to further degree studies at all. Even during Diploma, I've already made my mind that I would never further degree studies. Why wouldn't I want it? Well, because it's not me. It's not in me. You know? Honestly, I'm not really a fan of fixed education system. I do not favor and see eye to eye with the whole idea of the so-called-norms of living. You know? The 'supposed' life cycle; you were born, you learned ABC, you got into school, you graduated high school, went to college, graduated college, got a job, got married, got kids and grandchildren and you died. I am not a hippie nor a hipster. I am just not that 'normal'. I have my own thoughts of life and I have my own interests. Some of my perceptions differ from the 'norms'. 

Throughout school life, I've always knew that I don't really like studying via exam-based education system. I have never cared about marks and whatsoever. But, I do like the learning process. You see, I like knowledge and I like to be taught and guided on how to apply the knowledge. But, I strongly hate grading system and examinations. I feel furious over that matter. How is it relevant to test someone's intelligence by exam marks? I like PT3 concept as the marks don't come from exams solely. But, UPSR is still there. SPM too. 

Alright, so when it comes to tertiary education, we talk about IPT here. Students are evaluated based on carry marks from assignments that they did and based on exams. During Diploma, I tried to find the relevance of assignments. So I came up with pretty legit points of the existence of assignments; they will test your willpower, creativity, time management skills and teamwork. Alright, I get that. But, there are some assignments that are given in bulk -- that I have no idea why the heck does it exists? OK, maybe because when you're working in the real world soon, you might be given a whole load of tasks which needs to be finished in a short amount of time. Well, that might be it. Yeah, that's it really. But, still, I don't like assignments that much. I mean, if it's a little, then that's OK. Well, I'm anti-exam so we're not going to talk about that. 

How I survived Diploma? 

1. I had my peers

Everyone around me were the same age as me. This plays a big part in social life. When you are surrounded with your peers, you kind of have about similar views. So, you can get along easier. You were born in the same year, you must've had some exact similar experiences. You don't believe age plays a big role in social life? Especially in studies life? Stop and stare. Look around you. How old are the people around you? How different are they from you? How close are you with them? All these influence you even without your knowing. Age matters. If you clicked, you clicked. If you don't, you're on your own.

2. Dorms and college (academic blocks) are near to each other

Everything was near. If I wanted to go to cafetaria, it was just a staircase away. Well of course I had to walk a little bit and encountered some monkeys along the way, but it was in walking distance. If I wanted to go and do discussions with my classmates, they're just a few rooms away. If I wanted to go to the class, a few minutes away. I could even go to 8AM class, started off at 7.45AM. It was legit, near. Most important of all, if I wanted to go to see my lecturers, they're just a few blocks away. I constantly consulted my lecturers back in the days. Like, I don't remember how much I consulted them, I mean, literally a lot. All of us actually had consultations with our lecturers frequently as that counted as attendance. So, of course it's compulsory. From that, we got used to have guidance from our lecturers about studies and about assignments. We weren't spoon-fed. We were thoroughly guided. I thank my lecturers for that. Guidance is just as important as lessons in class.